Methods of Disciplining Children in the East and West

Picture courtesy of: http://discipline.com/

What is discipline? According to a research conducted by Smith, Gollop, Taylor and Marshall (2004), he found that discipline is the process of actions taken by parents to teach their children appropriate value and behaviors in the society. In other words, discipline is also defined as the guidance of children’s moral, emotional and physical development, enabling children to take responsibility for themselves when they are older (Holden 2002, Wissow 2002). These disciplinary actions can include physical and non-physical disciplinary punishments which are classified into inductive strategies such as reasoning and explaining the consequences of their actions to them, physically coercive strategies such as hitting or whacking and psychologically aggressive discipline strategies such as swearing at a child. Thus, in this post, the various ways of disciplining children in the East and West will be compared.

Picture courtesy of: http://www.chinasmack.com/2010/secrets/chinese-child-discipline-stories-1.html

According to a Malaysian parents jailed for child abuse in Sweden (2014), when Malaysian parents discipline their children using the Eastern style of disciplinary practices, little did they know that they will be in a deep trouble until it was reported with suspicions of abuse to the social services by the children's school staff. Since Sweden was the first country to ban corporal punishment in 1979 and followed by 44 countries, this case has shocked the child right expert in Sweden and sparked outrage in Malaysia as it is not a criminal offence to smack children in Malaysia.

Picture courtesy of: 

http://www.notepadcorner.com/2013/03/time-out-technique-in-disciplining.html; 

http://www.worldofstock.com

Parents in the East tend to use a lot of physical punishment to discipline their child as the Asian culture believe that it is because 'I love you that’s why I hit you' (Zhao 2002). In Asia, children are expected to obey whatever their parents say no matter what, not considering the fact whether they like it or not. According to Chua (2011), it is also believed that if children were not able to meet the expectations of their parents, it probably meant that they did not work hard enough.

Verbal discipline is also used in Asia by the parents in which the parents could even be seen resorting to calling a child stupid. On the other hand, behavioral discipline such as time-out and grounded, is used to drive their children to achieve whatever is expected from them. The parents have the perception that children will feel ashamed after being punished and thus, avoiding the same mistakes in the future. As a result, children in Asia do not dare to speak their mind out nor say no to their parents due to their strict way of raising them up.

Picture courtesy of: 

http://www.montrealfamilies.ca/Montreal-Families/2011/Discipline-your-kids-without-threats-and-tears/

In contrast, happiness of the child becomes the top priority to Western parents. Western parents are most likely to use the inductive strategies to discipline their child through reasoning and explanation. They care more for their children's emotional state and mental well-being by constantly encouraging their children to do their best compared to Asian parents (Chua 2011). Children raised up in the Western culture are allowed to regulate their own activities as much as possible and there is no defined standard for the child to obey. Not only that, they are treated as individuals whose rights should be respected and they are praised from time to time on how unique they are (Chua 2011). Good discipline is reinforced through rewards. This could usually be seen through negotiation with children such as “You are going to have a new toy if you help out with the house chores” (Zhao 2002). From a different perspective, Western parents could be both parents and friends at the same time to their children. Unlike Asian children who keep their thoughts to themselves, Western parents and children could be seen sharing their opinions with each other calmly. If a child happens to throw tantrums, the parents will encourage their children to sit down and discuss or voice out their displeasure. This western style of disciplining children reflects the society they live in which “Everyone is equal.”

The following video shows the differences between how the parents in the East and West deal with their children:

 

Effects of the Disciplining Methods in the East and West

Apparently both methods used by the Eastern and Western  parents bring positive and negative consequences. Both cultures have their own advantages. Although there is limited evidence to support any positive outcomes associated with physical coercive punishment (Ferguson 2013；Lynch, Turheimer, D'Onofrio, Mendle, Emery, Slutske, and Martint 2006), I personally think that the Eastern culture's way of parenting do have positive effects such as:

1. Children brought up to be hard working individuals as they are used to work hard to meet
    their parents' expectations during their childhood.

2. They know that as long work hard, they will get what they desire.

3. They are more filial to their parents as they realize the efforts their parents have put in for
    them as they grow.

4. Confidence can be built when they realize that they can do things they initially thought they
    could not through the discipline method used by their parents.

On the other hand, according to Krevan and Gibbs (1996), Western's way of parenting bring positive social behaviors and effects such as:

1. Children are more creative as they are allowed to think and make their own decisions.

2. Children brought up under an encouraging parenting style have a closer and trusting
    relationship with their parents.

3. Children are more independent and more sociable as they were not overly protected and

    thus, more exposed to the society.

In contrast, it is reported that there are some disadvantages of how parents in the East raise their children in terms of the children's psychology (Smith, Gollop, Taylor and Marshall 2004):

1. In the future, the child will follow their parents' footsteps and might think that aggression
    and provocation is the way to achieve what they want. 

2. In order to get away from the stress at home, the children might turn to drugs, alcohol, or
    sex.

3. The infliction of physical and emotional hurt in their childhood will lead to mental illness.

4. The child will grow up with low self-esteem issues, fear of failure and may have anti-social
     behaviours.

Western parents using the non-aggressive strategies will lead to lack of self-regulations of the child. Here are the negative effects of using non-aggressive strategies in disciplining children:

1. The child will become a spoilt brat with all the freedom they have and getting everything
    they desire (Ellis 2013).

2. The child will disregard others' feeling as they were given the illustration that only their
    feelings matter.

3. They would get into trouble easily due to the lack of control by their parents. 

In my opinion, both the Western and Eastern discipline methods are neither right nor wrong. This is due to the fact that both cultures have the same objective, which is to raise their child to be happy and successful individuals.

Chua, A. 2011. Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior.  http://www.wsj.com/articles/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754 (Accessed July 25, 2015).

Ellis, K. 2013. Spoiled rotten: Why you shouldn't coddle your kids. http://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/980979/why-you-shouldnt-spoil-your-kids (Accessed July 25, 2015).

Ferguson, C.J. 2013. Spanking, corporal punishment and negative long-term outcomes: A meta-analytic review of longitudinal studies. Clinical Psychology Review 33, 196-208.

Holden, G.W. 2002. Perspectives on the effects of corporal punishment: Comment on Gershoff (2002) Psychological Bulletin 128(4): 590–595.

Krevans, J. and J.C. Gibbs. 1996. Parents' Use of Inductive Discipline: Relations to Children's Empathy and Prosocial Behavior. Child Development 67: 3263-3277.

Lepak One Korner Ep 6. Youtube video. 00:05:24. Posted by OfficialSGAGtv. August 27, 2013. Accessed July 25, 2015. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qSBiYBkNYE

Lynch, S.K., E. Turheimer, B.M. D'Onofrio, J. Mendle, R.E. Emery, W.S. Slutske, and M.G. Martin. 2006. A genetically informed study of the association between harsh punishment and offspring behavioural problems. Journal of Family Psychology 20(2): 190-198.

Malaysian parents jailed for child abuse in Sweden. 2014. FMT News. http://www.freemalaysiatoday.com/category/nation/2014/03/28/malaysian-parents-jailed-for-child-abuse-in-sweden/ (Accessed July 25, 2015).

Smith, A. B., M.M. Gollop, N.J. Taylor, and K.A. Marshall. 2004. The discipline and guidance of children: A summary of research. Dunedin, NZ: Children's Issues Centre, University of Otago and the Office of the Children's Commissioner.

Wissow, L.S. 2002. Child discipline in the first three years of life in Halfon N., K.T. McLearn and M.A. Schuster (eds.) Child Rearing in America: Challenges Facing Parents with Young Children. New York: Cambridge University Press (pp.146–177).

Zhao, Y. 2002. Cultural Divide Over Parental Discipline. http://www.nytimes.com/2002/05/29/nyregion/cultural-divide-over-parental-discipline.html (Accessed July 25, 2015).