Different Culture, Different Parenting Style

According to Dr Caroline Thompson, a Paris-based child psychologist and family therapist, she stated that the variation in styles of parenting practiced is basically narrowed down to the difference in how mothers view themselves. This is because French mothers tend to be objective with their children.

Willsher (2012) stated that a child is unlikely to be recognized as an equal person in France but the child is considered to be a small person ready to be shaped, partly by the parents but mostly by the state education system in France. This in turn led to a finding where learning by rote is more important, in which grammar and writing come first (Eastaway 2012). From another viewpoint, Prof. Bénédicte Juston, a French language professor stated that the biggest difference in bringing up children in France and Britain are the schools. If a British child is good in arts but does not do well in history, people would say that it is alright and the time will come for the child to succeed eventually. From a contrasting perspective, in France, the teacher will call the parents and tell them that if the child could not write and could not add up, the teachers would not care about anything else.

According to Druckerman (2012), the French are able to be involved with their families without becoming obsessive. They believe that there is not a need to feel guilty if they could not be there constantly for their children. In other words, French parents want their children to be stimulated but not all the time. Therefore, a French child who throw a tantrum is rarely to be cut any slack on the grounds but they are better behaved at the table, in public and social situations (Willsher 2012).

Picture courtesy of: http://drewcason.com/french-family-mini-session/

According to Willsher (2012), British parenting style is rather relaxed compared to the other styles where they tend to use such ways in disciplining their children:

      i) Words of encouragement: Children are encouraged to take risks at places like
           playgrounds.

      ii) Laissez-faire: Letting children sort out their own problems without interfering.

      iii) The mollycoddling of "Now let's not do that, shall we?" reasoning.

      iv) The British naughty step.

In short, this shows how immensely patient and gentle British parents are with their children compared to French parents. Consequently, parents would get upset much less often too.

Wiltrout (2014) stated that British children are encouraged to be independent at a very young age. This is due to the fact that school starts at the age of four with reception and it is normal to begin placing children in nursery as early as the age of one. From age three onwards, families are entitled to 15 hours per week of government funded nursery or preschool in Britain.

Not only that, Wiltrout (2014) also stated that there is a greater emphasis on outdoor play. All the schools be it in private or public, had a classroom style that allowed a lot of indoor or outdoor movement. Learning to reason is important, in which creativity and what a child has to say come first in Britain (British Culture, British Customs and British Traditions: THE BRITISH EDUCATION SYSTEM n.d.).

Picture courtesy of: 

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/features/3708553/British-families-saving-money-living-in-static-homes.html

According to Amanpour (2013), Christine Gross-Loh, an author, stated that Japanese children usually show much more independence and self-sufficiency than children raised in the west in an interview with ABC News. It is also reported that one of the factors leading to this is on the emphasis on expecting them to solve their own problems. Western parents are more prone to jump in and try to resolve a conflict between two children while Japanese parents tend to keep their distance and let the children work it out for themselves, more on like a laissez-faire way of handling children.

Here is an example that clearly shows how independent Japanese children can be through a reality show called 'Hajimete no otsukai' [はじめてのおつかい] or also known as 'My First Errand'. Dustin (2011) stated that this show revolves around young children, whom are secretly recorded when they were sent out on their own to complete a small task. The following video shows Masaki, a five year-old boy and his little sister, Saika who is two years-old, as they went on a journey to buy ingredients for their mother’s beef stew:

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Part 2/2

The Japanese term used for the word 'discipline' is 'shitsuke' [躾]. Pereira (2009) stated that 'shitsuke' brings two meanings which are self-discipline and disciplining others. However, if the word is searched up using the Kôjien [広辞苑] dictionary (a standard Japanese dictionary), there are four definitions pertaining to the word:

      i) to set up something intentionally or in advance;
      ii) to plant seedlings in straight lines;
      iii) to develop good manners and courtesy through instruction and practice;
      iv) to baste; sew loosely with large running stitches so as to temporarily hold layers of
           fabric together.

As a conclusion, all the definitions come to the main point of "preparing something beforehand to prevent it from being bent." (Nobuko 2012).

According to Nobuko (2012), Japanese parents tend to teach their children 'shitsuke' by doing most of the daily activities with them together. Therefore, they are expected to learn how to behave in different situations by imitating how their parents act rather than through correction or criticism.

Ball (2011) stated that Japanese children are brought up to be group-orientated in which the individual is less important than the group. This causes the children to be very conscious on being a part of a group and be dependent on them. For example, Japanese children are often told to not behave in a way that will upset the group (McCormick n.d.). Due to this, Siy (2013) mentioned that they are raised to think about how their attitude affects their parents and others, which in turn makes the Japanese society so orderly, peaceful, and harmonious. So, when they behave badly, it is common to how Japanese parents complain in ways such as:

      i) “You make me feel bad. You make me ashamed.”

      ii) “What will other people think? What will other people say?”

According to Siy (2013), children in Japan sometimes grow up being uncertain of themselves and depending too much on what others in the group think than coming up with their own thoughts and opinions. This is partly the reason people have a perception that Japanese are often shy and quiet. Not only that, she also stated that Japanese parents do not go around being mushy with their children 24/7 as they believe that actions are weightier than words. 

Looking at things from a different angle, it is believed that most of us grow up watching some of the famous Japanese anime series on the television, namely 'Doraemon' and 'Crayon Shin-Chan'. Both anime portray the main characters with a loving set of family where the father is usually the breadwinner of the family while the mother handles the household. She is in charge of bookkeeping and most of the times, she is the one who is concerned about the well-being of the child on matters such as on academic.

Picture courtesy of: https://www.flickr.com/photos/jyotijuyal/4077316404; https://www.pinterest.com/pin/348817933613128427/

It can also be seen that the main character of 'Doraemon', Nobita, always strive to be accepted in a group. He cares about how others think about him and thus, he is constantly seen asking for his robot cat, Doraemon's help in order for him to fit in.

On the other hand, in 'Crayon Shin-Chan', albeit Shin-Chan's mother does not say the typical 'I love you's to him and his little sister, Himawari, every day, her love for them can be clearly seen through her actions. For example, her act of splurging on Himawari and also, sending Shin-Chan to kindergarten without fail by cycling. Although she is known to be a terrible driver, it does not hinder her from sending her son to receive education.

According to Niala (2011), the use of the traditional 'it takes a village' is being put as the main focus in the Kenyan parenting style, with children being every person’s responsibility. Siegal (2012) mentioned that strangers could be seen comforting each other’s children when they fall, grabbing babies from each other’s arms without prior asking, and even physically punish others' children when they behave in a disorderly manner. It is seen as a way to share the burden of child rearing among parents.

Faujour (2015) stated that Kenyan mothers, especially Kisii, or Gussii, carry their babies to every place they go but they do not indulge in a baby's cooing. So, what will the mothers do they do when their children begin throwing tantrums? They would look away from the children (Peoples, J. and G. Bailey 2011). Lodish (2014) stated that eye contact is an act granted with an enormous amount of power within the context of Kisii culture. It is as if you are trying to imply that you are in charge if you look at them in the eye, which is a certainty that it is not the message the parents would want to convey to their children.

According to Kim (2013), the main source of affection in the country is not from parents but from interconnected extended family such as the grandmothers, aunts or uncles. This is being seen as a way where mothers can concentrate on her role as a disciplinarian, and at the same time, being a best friend too.

Kim (2013) added that Kenyan parents tend to choose fewer battles, in which if they resort to using the 'threat' method, it is more likely to be taken seriously by the children. The reason in such is that the parents do not normally threaten the children so, the moment the parents say 'no', the children would know that they mean it and abide by it. As a result, it is found that Kenyan children grow up to be less attention-seeking, less aggressive, more obedient, and more polite (Kim 2013).

Picture courtesy of: https://chefdsmith.wordpress.com/2011/04/04/kenya-2002/kenyan-family/

According to developmental psychologist, Jerome Kagan, parenting is defined as a decision on what is best in terms of socializing our children and putting that decision into action (Berns 2012). Parenting styles that have came around include those of authoritative, authoritarian, permissive and rejecting-neglecting, which were discussed in PARENTING STYLES. All of the parenting styles are affected by factors such as:

      i) Political ideology.

      ii) Socioeconomic status.

      iii) Parental occupation.

      iv) Culture and religion.

However, 'culture and religion' will be emphasized here. According to Berns (2012), our culture and religion govern our principles, morals, ethics and ideals and, in turn, determine how we behave and react to certain things. Thus, those who grow up with the same culture will tend to carry out the same behaviour.

LeVine (1977) mentioned that there are several features or accomplishments that are alike across the board in terms of all cultures and religions. They are as follows:

      i) Assurance of one’s outer well being and continued existence ('survival').

      ii) Growth in the ability to find financial means to maintain one’s life.

      iii) Cultivating the ability to get the most out of the principles of one’s culture such as
             integrity, social standing and accomplishment (Berns 2012).

As you can see from the table below, the countries of the parenting styles discussed earlier are classified according to the culture they belong to.

Western Culture	Eastern Culture
France	Japan
Britain	Kenya

How the Western culture (France and Britain) differ from the Eastern culture (Japan and Kenya) will be further discussed in the aspects of:
     i) how the children are being brought up as;
     ii) the parenting style practiced by the cultures.


i) How the children are being brought up as:

The Western culture is conceptualized as individualistic or also known as competitive and independent, where individuals’ social behavior is guided by their own needs and goals as stated by Triandis (1983). Individuals in the western culture are defined as identifying primarily with an independent construal of self, fueled by a desire to maintain independence from others and remain an autonomous unit (Markus and Kitayama 1991). According to Psychology Glossary (n.d.), construal is defined as a social psychological term that refers to how people perceive, comprehend, and interpret the world around them. Friends and family are still considered close and play an important part of one’s life, they are ultimately used as a social reference for oneself. Attitude is organized and made meaningful to the self in respect to one’s internal belief system, emotions, and actions, instead of relying on others. According to Markus and Kitayama (1991), the emphasis of the Western culture is on the responsiveness to the environment as it relates to the self, and how this environment maintains already held beliefs and characteristics about the self.

On the other hand, the Eastern culture is categorized as collectivist or also known as cooperative, interdependent and group-oriented. Individuals' social behavior is governed by the expectations of others. Markus and Kitayama (1991) defines individuals in the Eastern culture as individuality in relation to others and the relationships individuals have with significant others in their lives.  They also stated that the emphasis of Eastern culture is on fitting in with others, and existing harmoniously with them. The main belief is that all humans are connected to one another and self is deemed to be mostly affected by others' perceptions, thoughts, and actions towards self.


ii) The parenting style practiced by the cultures:

A research by Steinberg, Elmen and Mounts (1989) has led to a finding that an authoritative parenting style is widely practiced in the Western culture as it is synonymous with the dominant views held by the culture with a focus on encouraging independence in children. Baumrind (1966) stated that this parenting style is the most suitable style to be practiced as the control over a child is not absolute but it is reasonable, om which discussion of rules and consequences is allowed. Not only that, parents give out a sense of independence and responsibility, thus, making the children believe that they can take good care of themselves. This in turn leads to positive outcomes for the child, as explained in PARENTING STYLES, such as increased self-confidence, self-efficacy, strong social skills, emotionally stable, and increased academic competence (Baumrind 1966).

An authoritarian parenting style was highly associated with high academic achievement in the Eastern culture (Asian students) compared to the authoritative parenting style that was positively linked with the high academic achievement in Western students (Leung, Lau and Lam 1998). Some of the characteristics of this parenting style such as the high level of parental control may contribute to the low self-esteem and the instability of emotions as explained in PARENTING STYLES.

Looking at another perspective, our country, Malaysia is an Asian multi-racial country, in which the parenting style that is normally used by parents here is of the authoritarian. Similar to the Eastern culture, the typical Asian parenting style that focuses on the concept of 'Just do it because I said so'. As explained in PARENTING STYLES, they have high expectations on their children. Thus, it is more likely for the parents to purchase a lot of exercise books as well as reference books for their children when their examinations are around the corner. Not only that, Malaysian parents seem to have paved the way for their children ranging from the extra classes the children should take to the kinds of lifestyle the children should abide by. The following video shows a snippet of how Malaysian parents usually act around their children:

While caning as a form of punishment may be accepted in the Malaysian society, it is not perceived as the same in other culture. For instance, the case of a Malaysian couple with diplomatic passports had to spend more than a month in Swedish jail, after being accused of hitting their children for not performing their prayers (Landes 2014). In Malaysia, the cane which is known as the 'rotan', is a whip used to discipline children in school and at home. According to customs and laws in Malaysia, parents are allowed to be physical when disciplining their children. However, Gumbrecht (2011) stated that it has been illegal for parents to punish their children physically in Sweden since 1979. Thus, these contrasting attitudes show that each country has its own culture and its own ways of bringing up children.

In conclusion, how a specific parenting style can affect the outcome of a child should be understood from the parents’ point of views in the context of goals and their cultural views. It is of course by far, the parenting styles practiced is influenced by our faith and how we lead our daily lives. Emile Durkheim, a sociologist, defines faith or religion as the 'unified system of beliefs and practices relative to sacred things, uniting into a single moral community all those who adhere to those beliefs and practices' (Berns 2012). Culture, which is also known as the way of life can be defined as the conduct and actions that we have been taught that encompass:

      i) information;                        v) norms;
      ii) principles;                          vi) practices;
      iii) ethics;                               vii) routines;
      iv) faiths;                                viii) rituals;
that reflect the society and community that we are brought up in.

FRENCH PARENTING STYLE

Druckerman, P. 2012. Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting. United States of America : Penguin Books.

Eastaway, A. 2012. Examining the French school system – outdated or timeless? http://www.myfrenchlife.org/2012/08/02/examining-the-french-school-system-outdated-or-timeless/ (accessed July 30, 2015).

Willsher, K. 2012. The parenting gap: why French mothers prefer to use the firm smack of authority. http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/01/parenting-france-britain (accessed July 30. 2015).

BRITISH PARENTING STYLE

British Culture, British Customs and British Traditions: THE BRITISH EDUCATION SYSTEM. n.d. Learn English Network.  http://www.learnenglish.de/culture/educationculture.html (accessed July 30, 2015).

Willsher, K. 2012. The parenting gap: why French mothers prefer to use the firm smack of authority. http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/01/parenting-france-britain (accessed July 30. 2015).

Wiltrout, N. 2014. Dispatches from England: Differences in Parenting between American and Britain. http://www.anglotopia.net/columns/dispatches-from-england/dispatches-england-differences-parenting-american-britain/ (accessed July 30, 2015).

JAPANESE PARENTING STYLE

Amanpour, C. 2013. What American Parents Need to Do Better: Lessons from the Rest of the World. http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2013/05/what-american-parents-need-to-do-better-lessons-from-the-rest-of-the-world/ (accessed July 30, 2015).

Ball, S.E. 2011. How the Japanese raise their children. http://virtuouswomanexposed.com/2011/03/how-japanese-raise-their-children.html (accessed July 30, 2015).

Dustin. 2011. HAJIMETE NO OTSUKAI, GENIUS JAPANESE KIDS OUT IN THE REAL WORLD. http://www.kawaiikakkoiisugoi.com/2011/08/04/hajimete-no-otsukai-genius-japanese-kids-out-in-the-real-world/ (accessed July 30, 2015).

kid tasks 1. Youtube video. 00:09:40. Posted by gmcnuckes. July 21, 2009. Accessed July 30, 2015. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e5k5XTZy0rA

kid tasks 2. Youtube video. 00:06:15. Posted by gmcnuckes. July 21, 2009. Accessed July 30, 2015. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R7L6xkpnYc4

McCormick, M. n.d. Traditional Japanese Child Rearing Techniques. http://everydaylife.globalpost.com/traditional-japanese-child-rearing-techniques-2041.html (accessed July 30, 2015).

Nobuko, U. 2012. Child Discipline in Japan: an Important Part of Parenting Where Parents Pass on Their Values to Their Children. http://www.childresearch.net/papers/parenting/2012_03.html (accessed July 30, 2015).

Pereira, R. 2009. The Complete Meaning of Shitsuke. http://blog.gembaacademy.com/2009/02/22/the-complete-meaning-of-shitsuke/ (accessed July 30, 2015).

Siy, S. 2013. Cross-Cultural Parenting in Japan: Differences in Affection. http://www.incultureparent.com/2013/08/cross-cultural-parenting-in-japan-differences-in-affection/ (accessed July 30, 2015).

KENYAN PARENTING STYLE

Faujour, J. 2015. 10 Unique Parenting Styles From Around The World. https://www.globalcitizen.org/en/content/10-unique-parenting-styles-from-around-the-world/ (accessed July 30, 2015).

Kim, S. 2013. How Do Kenyans Raise Tantrum-Free Toddlers? I'm asking. http://www.mamamzungu.com/2013/03/how-do-kenyans-raise-tantrum-free.html (accessed July 30, 2015).

Niala, J.C. 2011. African Parenting: The Sane Way to Raise Children. http://www.incultureparent.com/2011/05/african-parenting-the-sane-way-to-raise-children/ (accessed July 30, 2015).

Lodish, E. 2014. Global Parenting Habits That Haven't Caught On In The U.S.. http://www.npr.org/sections/parallels/2014/08/12/339825261/global-parenting-habits-that-havent-caught-on-in-the-u-s (accessed July 30, 2015).

Peoples, J. and G. Bailey. 2011. Humanity: An Introduction to Cultural Anthropology. https://books.google.com/books?id=hmjO2VqMNIMC&pg=PA221&dq=%22tend+to+avert+their+gaze%22&hl=en&sa=X&ei=v3oBUos7wouQBeXDgRg&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q=%22tend%20to%20avert%20their%20gaze%22&f=false (accessed July 30, 2015).

Siegal, K. 2012. Parenting in Kenya: What ’It Takes a Village’ Really Means. http://www.incultureparent.com/2012/09/parenting-in-kenya-what-it-takes-a-village-really-means/ (accessed July 30, 2015).

SIMILARITIES AND DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THE PARENTING STYLES DISCUSSED

Baumrind, D. 1966. Effects of authoritative parental control on child behavior. Child Development 37: 887-907.

Berns, R.M. 2012. Child, Family, School, Community: Socialization and Support. 9th ed. United States of America : Cengage Learning.

Gumbrecht, J. 2011. In Sweden, a generation of kids who've never been spanked. http://edition.cnn.com/2011/11/09/world/sweden-punishment-ban/ (accessed July 30, 2015). 

Markus, H.R. and Kitayama, S. 1991. Culture and the Self: Implications for Cognition, Emotion, and Motivation. http://www.lucs.lu.se/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Markus-Kitayama-.-Culture-and-Self-1991.pdf (accessed July 30, 2015). 

Landes, D. 2014. Malaysians arrested for hitting kids in Sweden. http://www.thelocal.se/20140123/sweden-holds-malaysian-pair-over-child-abuse-claims (accessed July 30, 2015). 

Leung, K., S. Lau and W.L. Lam. 1998. Parenting styles and achievement: A cross-cultural study. Merrill-Palmer Quarterly 44: 157-172.

Psychology Glossary. n.d. Construal. http://www.alleydog.com/glossary/definition.php?term=Construal (accessed July 30, 2015). 

Shit Malaysian Parents Say. Youtube video. 00:01:41. Posted by DanKhooProductions. April 1, 2013. Accessed July 30, 2015. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gs0FreoTfDE

Steinberg, L., J.D. Elmen and N.S. Mounts. 1989. Authoritative parenting, psychosocial maturity, and academic success among adolescents. Child Development 60 (6): 1424-1436.

Triandis, H.C. 1983. Collectivism versus individualism: A re-conceptualization. Urbana-Champaign : University of Illinois, Mimeographed.