Malaysian Parenting Style

Malaysia is an Asian multi-racial country that predominantly consists of Malays, Chinese and Indians. Malaysian families practice eastern cultural values. The following shows how the three main cultures in Malaysia affect the parenting styles of the parents in this country:

In traditional Muslim families, parents use verbal commands, guidance and advice to control their children. If the children are disobedient, parents will resort to warnings and threats of punishment. Other tactics include moralizing and belittlement. If these measures fail, parents will use both deprivation and corporate punishment, according to Dwairy. While fathers are stricter and enforce discipline, mothers are typically more intimate with the children and will cushion punishment. Muslim children generally not only accept their parents’ control, but also feel reinforced by the authoritarian parenting style. 

Authoritarian Muslim parents set strict rules for their children. According to research at Islamic Insights, this parenting style is not uncommon among Muslims and children are discouraged from questioning parental and household rules or seeking explanations. Muslim parents are sometimes criticized for exerting overly strict policies on their children when it comes to religion. Children are often expected to perform all religious duties. For example, some Muslim children must pray five times a day without knowing exactly why they are praying.

Umar bin al-Khattab once said:

 

This statement has given a very good insight on parenting style proposed by Islam. As for young adolescent, Saidina Umar put the emphasis on educating them how to differentiate between good and bad, to clarify on them regarding responsibility, to train them to follow Allah’s command and to avoid from doing His prohibition. As the children developed into late adolescent, parents are encouraged to befriend with them. Parents are encouraged to listen to the children’s problems and questions, to communicate with them more often as friends, to treat them with trust, respect and love, and to be a good model for them.

Muslim parents help their children to develop a conscience through moralization, where the feeling of shame guides an Islamic child to curb bad behavior. In particular, girls must observe certain prohibitions that only become stricter as they mature into adolescents. They are forced to focus on household duties, such as cooking and cleaning, to prepare for lives as wives and mothers. Their relationships are also limited to the other women in the family and vetted females from the outside. Girls have limited choices and must bow to the wishes of their parents.

Muslim parents typically place a high value on education for their children. Parents are expected to provide for their children’s education in schools and colleges, and they take a personal interest in their children's studies, helping them when possible. Parental involvement in education gives Muslim children a feeling of working with their parents. This is often seen as a mean of encouraging children to accept that it is their duty to obey their parents' orders and behave with respect for adults. Some children listen to parental orders but often show passivity in carrying out these orders as expected. According to Dr. I.A. Arshed at the Islam 101 website, disobedience causes annoyance to Muslim parents and children are reminded that annoying their parents can lead to "Allah’s wrath."

The Chinese civilization is famous for its discipline, excellence, hard work as well as the importance of household and ancestral cultures. Therefore, the traditional Chinese culture has formed the authoritarian parenting style among parents. Usually, Chinese parents are involved in and also have a huge influence on the upbringing of their kids. Due to the intrinsic form of Chinese culture, it is seldom to encounter supportive parents. Research shows a strong relationship is present between parents' adherence to the usual Chinese culture and the style of parenting used. Those who abide by the typical Chinese culture incline to be further authoritarian to their children. In this style of parenting, children are provided with instructions and demands. In addition to that, they are never allowed to question their parents. For example, parents who set high standards tend to have children who are more successful at school. It is also clear that Chinese parents tend to spend more time pushing their kids to study, practice, and achieve.

Prof. Amy Chua, stated in her autobiographical book, ‘Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother’, that ‘effort and the belief that effort pays off is a key ingredient to Chinese success’. Some of the examples of how Malaysian-Chinese parents raise their children are:

      i) The children are not allowed to have a playdate, watch television, participate in a school
          play, or choose their own extra-curricular activities.

      ii) The children are not allowed to “get any grade less than an A” or “not be the No. 1
           student in every subject except gym and drama.” 

      iii) Driving children relentlessly if they fail in doing something such as mastering a new
            piece on the piano.

She stated this as well: 

 

One main idea in Chinese culture is the mutual dependence, meaning the whole image of the family is inflicted by the option of one family member. As the reputation and name of the family play a significant role in the society, expectation and pressure weigh largely on the children. A child who does well in arts and academics, as well as sports, will get a good job with high salary sooner or later. This in turn will lead to the enhancement of the family image. On the other hand, in order to obtain this, it is assumed that the child should undergo a strict procedure of discipline and pressure by coaches, teachers as well as parents.
 

With Hinduism as the most prominent form of religion in the Indian culture, many Indian families impart the importance of prayer and worship to their children. There is a strong emphasis on respect of elders in the Indian culture. This can be seen where children are usually raised up with their grandparents in the same household. Through this way, the child would be able to learn how to respect the elders from what he or she sees around in the house. This is an important factor in determining how the child deals with the people outside the family. Indian parents believe strongly that their child is part of a family and a community and that it is of prime importance that the child realizes that every decision he or she makes and every action he or she takes has consequences for the entire family and community.

Traditional Indian families tend to discipline their children in a more aggressive and stern manner. Mild corporal punishment such as spanking is considered a normal aspect to parenting in many Indian families. Children are rarely coddled or allowed to misbehave in any way. Since the respect of elders is such a key component to how children are raised, speaking or acting out against adults is punished in a fairly harsh manner.

Academic wise, Indian parents assign a lot of importance to scores and their child’s performance in school. They keep themselves updated about the child’s academic as well as their social life. The Indian formula is very simple:

The Indian parents’ emphasis on academics leads to the sense of competitiveness in the child. So, not only does Indian parenting promote respect for others and their values, it also brings up a more successful child.

From the kind of clothes kids wear to the stream they choose in school, everything is decided by their parents. And this does not simply end here. The selection of the college, course, city of work and even the spouse hugely depends on their parents’ decisions, if not entirely. Indian parents are often more concerned about what they will have to say to the society rather than their child’s wishes. 

Additionally, the Indian way of parenting is quite conservative. It is rare to see teenagers discussing topics like sex, drinking, and smoking freely with their parents. In fact, a conversation on these topics is often avoided in Indian homes. As a result, children pick up information about these issues from the incorrect sources and end up adopting the wrong path. Parents need to understand that after an age they need to start becoming their child’s friends than being their protectors as they can then help their kid grow better.